Now that the live-action switcho-reverso-fairy tale is available on DVD, let’s take a close look at just how icky this movie is:

1. The fairy godmothers were cute in hand-drawn animation, but looked like floating hydrocephalic babies in CGI

 

2. Maleficent stalks a baby – a baby – for years, including floating outside her window and whispering, “I hate you.”

 

3. Aurora’s mother appears in only two scenes, has almost no dialogue, and isn’t even given a proper name. She dies off-screen, and the news of her death makes her husband…shrug. Clearly, only crazy ol’ Dad matters.

 

4. It sure looks like the future king rapes the pretty fairy-girl before he steals her wings. And Angelina Jolie has confirm that, at least as an ‘allegory,’ in numerous interviews.

 

 

5. Crows=humans= a lifetime of slavery. But that’s okay, he’s only a black pet, and she’s a good slave-mistress. Sometimes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6. The fairy godmothers are such lousy caregivers the baby Aurora nearly walks off a cliff, and only her stalker saves her. The fairy godmothers never realize what almost happened. They’re too busy bickering.

 

7. According to Maleficent, there is no such thing as true love between a man and a woman. Between a stalker and her obsession, sure, but not between a man and a woman. Obviously.

 

Oh, and you can buy Maleficent on DVD, with extra clips and commentaries, by clicking right here. Enjoy!