Instructions: Place 600 Americans c. 1958 in a big can. Store in a dark place for 50 years. Shake well and start killing them off one by one. The result: Ascension, a three-night “event” on SyFy being pushed out at the strangest time of year.

The generational star ship – one huge vessel crammed with humanity that takes multiple lifetimes to get where it’s going – is a staple of science fiction, but pretty widely ignored in TV/movie SF. Other than the cheesy-amazing The Starlost, from the mad pen of Harlan Ellison, many many years ago, and a half-assed pass at it in the backstory of The 100, it’s hard to find (well, maybe Pandorum in the movies, but cryosleep a la Alien doesn’t count. You have to be up and moving around the whole time.)

Anyway: a new group of folks at SyFy seem to be taking a whack at the trope with Ascension, a six-hour mini-series being crammed into three consecutive nights this week. You’ll kind of recognize some of the leads – there’s Tricia Helfer, from Battlestar Galactica and much else since then  (and no, we shall not speak of Killer Women. We’re not that cruel), and Brian Van Holt, best known as the dumb but lovable Bobby Cobb on Cougar Town until the current season (and who was crazy-good as a nutbar killer on last week’s Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.), and Gil Bellows, who’s done a zillion things that you almost remember (hey, oldsters! He was on Ally McBeal!). They’re all involved in the first murder on the generational ship Ascension, secretly launched in the Sixties and now, half a century later, only halfway to its destination. (And really: first murder? Among six hundred densely packed humans? In fifty years? Okay…)

The pre-premiere reviews have been mixed at best. (Variety didn’t care for it at all, check out there review here), while our friends over at ScriptPhd appreciated its “ambition” (you can read what they had to say here), and we admit, we wonder why all six hours have been crammed into three nights in a row, especially three nights in the TV Wasteland between Thanksgiving and Christmas. But still… beggars can’t be choosers, and we’re totally begging here. Though we could just download a copy of Orphans of the Sky and be done with it.