We can understand the lack of the cigarette (damn cancer!), but…girl sidekicks? Self-Doubt? Chauffeurs? Come on…
Ryan Turek over at ShockTillYouDrop.com, which knows all and sees all, has cadged a copy of the script for the NBC pilot Constantine. And since we’re deeply suspicious and cynical, as well as always willing to jump to conclusions, it must needs be noted: it doesn’t look good,Constantine fans.
You can read the full article here, and you should, but here are the parts that concern us:
- 1. It starts out with John in an insane asylum. One of the cool things about John Constantine (and no, we’re not talking about that Keanu Reeves atrocity, that shall never be mentioned again), is that he sprung into the DC Universe almost twenty years ago as a fully formed character. Co-creators Alan Moore, John Totelben and Steve Bissette didn’t offer any origin for this tough-talking, sarcastic cockney wizard in a trenchcoat, he was just there, with a backstory only hinted at for years. And one thing John has never lacked is clarity – some would call it “ruthlessness.” He screws who he needs to, leave chaos in his wake, and saves the effin ungrateful effin world over and over again. “Guilt” and “regret” are not major artifacts of the Constantine subconscious…so starting off the show with him having checked himself into the booby hatch because of overwhelming guilt from an exorcism gone bad…okay, we’re already in iffy territory. Do these guys even ‘get’ John at all?
- He’s in New York. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but John Constantine has always been a bit of a world traveler, showing up here and there whenever he damn well feels like it. Tying him down with a supporting cast (see below) and a single city seems unnecessary. Yes, yes, budget considerations, but please: it’s 2014. There’s this thing called Blue Screen. Besides, everything is shot in Toronto anyway, so you can say you’re anywhere you want to be. Let’s go world-hoppin’!
- John has a business card. Maybe some bigger and better geek than the ones at AmityvilleNow.com International HQ can show us a time when “fuck off” specialist John Constantine actually had a business card, even one as smart-ass as the one described, but…really? Cheap jokes? It worries us. And it should worry you.
- John has a girl sidekick.This is probably the scariest part. Though Constantine is constantly teaming up with one DC hero or another – starting with Swamp Thing, where he first appeared, through every cape and magician you can think of – the John we know and love/hate is basically a loner. It’s part of his appeal. Even when he tries to join or lead teams for a while, they blow up in his face (cf. The recent destruction of Justice League Dark under his management). And the last thing he’s ever had is a sidekick, male or female, to explain things to or get emotional about. So giving him an innocent rental car employee – no, seriously – as an ongoing sidekick to make him more palatable? Please. No.
- And a ‘driver.’To make matters worse, he seems to have a mysterious chauffeur as well – a character named “Chaz” who knows all about it, with a hidden past of his ow…*yawn*…sorry, we just got the most exhausting attack of deja vu. What is this, Hart to Hart?
- Live and direct from the DCU? Not hardly. In the larger sense, this may be the most disappointing implication. No place in the NBC pilot, as far as STYD can tell, is there any indication of other DC characters. What characters are named are emphatically not from the DCU, even in name only. This is a bit baffling, given the substantial, if not overwhelming, popularity of deep-into-continuity shows like Smallville and Arrow, that (if anything) gotoo far. But it begs the question: why option a picturesque character like Constantine, even duplicate most of his physical similarities as seen in the comic (not The Movie that Shall Not Be Named)…and then jettison virtually everything else about the character? You know, all the things that have made him one of DC’s most popular creations of the last twenty years? Aren’t you just going to piss of the base while puzzling the rest of the world, who will wonder what the big deal is about? Have some balls. Use the Force (or in this case, DC current.)
Yes, yes, yes, it’s all very premature. So what? We’re at just about the same place with the pilot of The Flash on the CW, and mixed messages about the costume aside, you can see clearly that it’s trying to go in the right direction, at least as much as its progenitor Arrow has gone.
Constantine? Confidence is low, my friends. Confidence is low.
